


Lane boy

by waysteria



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22118101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waysteria/pseuds/waysteria
Summary: In Ten’s hands, his secrets are safe. He’s not a good son anymore, he’s not the nice popular guy that always has a hand to lend to everyone. He’s anything Ten wants him to be, and perhaps it’s the effect of Ten’s charms, but Johnny isn’t afraid of losing himself.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 21
Kudos: 138





	Lane boy

**Author's Note:**

> some old johnten!! i hope you guys enjoy it  
> kasia, i hope you like it too! it got a bit longer than expected ^^

Ten slides into Johnny’s life like a subtle breeze of air, soft, ephemeral, a small distraction before everything goes back to normal.

Johnny is just fifteen when he meets Ten. His misconceptions about love are as big as his innocence, and he believes that, just like in movies, _the one_ will make him fall in love at first sight. His heart is supposed to speed up, his palms have to sweat, and he should stutter like a kid who is too shy to speak out loud. It has to be nerve-wracking, life changing in a split second.

But that’s not what happens with Ten.

They attend high school together for years, but it’s Kun, Johnny’s neighbor, who brings them together. Ten’s face is familiar, even though Johnny hasn’t paid much attention to him in the hallways, but his manners are far from familiar. At school, Ten has a fame. Quite a curious fame considering he’s Kun’s best friend. Ten shows up at Kun’s place, apparently uninvited, on a weekday. It’s not unusual for Johnny to be with Kun, since their parents are extremely close to each other, but he has rarely coincided with his friends at home. He knows all of them, yet other than a few greetings, they don’t speak to each other.

Johnny learns that day, as Ten casually lifts himself on the countertop and gazes at him, that it was a matter of having a chance. Unlike Hendery and Yangyang, Ten doesn’t keep the distances. Ten doesn’t seem to be shy, doesn’t look intimidated by Johnny’s demeanor or height – which is a novelty for Johnny, too, who hasn’t gotten used to his own size yet. He observes Johnny like he’s another normal boy from his school, perhaps because he is, because Ten doesn’t find any extraordinary thing in him.

“Kun always says you don’t act like a real human,” Ten tells him, a shameless smile on his face. He’s far from embarrassed, despite Johnny’s inability to hide his shock, and stares at Johnny like he expects an immediate confirmation. But he doesn’t, because he concludes himself, “He’s right.”

Kun, who is handing Johnny a glass of water, hisses in panic, “Ten!”

It’s pretty funny for Johnny to see Kun so alarmed, but the atmosphere tells him that this is a daily occurrence among their friends. If Ten behaves this way with everyone or just with certain people, Johnny can’t tell, but he’s sure that Kun has already suffered through this before.

Ten’s legs dangle off the countertop, his smile stretching at his friend’s reaction. But he smiles at _Johnny_ afterwards, white teeth and beautiful lips, and Johnny can’t help but focus on the lip ring in Ten’s lips. He’s never seen it before, maybe because Ten got it just recently, or maybe because Johnny didn’t bother to study him from up close. It seems almost unbelievable that Ten didn’t catch his attention earlier. Piercing or not, Ten isn’t the sort of boy that one can ignore. And when Johnny manages to look into Ten’s eyes again, a knot in his stomach, Ten’s gaze laces around him, bares every one of his thoughts.

Ten seems beyond delighted upon catching Johnny’s focus on his lips, and needless to say, Johnny is mortified.

“It’s true,” Ten continues.

He shakes his head as he runs his hand through his hair, almost as if he’s not having a conversation with Johnny, and Johnny has to swallow and look away. It’s not normal that just by the way Ten speaks, moves and glances at him, he’s feeling quite flustered. “You’re too perfect. A good, nice son but still fun enough to be a social butterfly. Polite, good with girls, good with _boys_ ,” Ten lifts his eyebrows, amused at his own words.

Aware of the impact they will have on Johnny, he smirks at Johnny as to dare him to contradict him. It should be embarrassing to receive so many compliments, and Johnny should refuse to accept them somehow, but he’s too flabbergasted at Ten’s bravery to react.

That might be the reason Ten takes the liberty of saying it himself, “Guys like you hide a massive flaw somewhere.”

Rather than offended, Johnny is surprised someone like Ten dedicated him enough thoughts and time to draw such conclusion. Ten is wrong in many ways, but not in all of them. Johnny isn’t perfect: he laughs out loud in awkward situations, he’s terrible at reading people’s feelings and he’s optimistic on a delusional level. He's good with girls and boys, sure, but not if he has a crush on them. He's not good with Ten; he makes Johnny incredibly nervous, insufflates in him the odd impression that Ten will slip away from his fingers at any moment.

Johnny thrives on having the control, and Ten is the personified definition of chaos.

“I’m so sorry,” Kun apologizes to Johnny, as if he's responsible of Ten's words.

Johnny can't help but find the situation pretty funny. When Kun isn't looking at Ten, he wiggles his eyebrows at Johnny, a small gesture to show that he's messing with Kun as well. Johnny has to bite back a smile, for Kun seems to be sincerely apologetic.

Even though Kun and Ten are very different, he understands why Ten serves to spice up his life. Johnny himself could make use of that nonchalance, that attitude, from time to time. He wonders if he turns Kun crazy sometimes, if it’s a good kind of crazy.

Even on that countertop, Ten looks at the world with eyes that could make the earth itself stop and stare back. And that's what Johnny does now too: stare back at Ten, a strange tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach as Ten's eyes sweeten for a second, as though he can hear Johnny's thoughts. As though Johnny is another naive boy falling for him.

Ten bites bit by bit into his life, until there’s nothing left except himself, until Johnny’s life spins around him, his days and his nights.

Curiosity is both a blessing and a curse, but when it comes to Ten, it's a disaster.

A short talk at Kun's home is all Ten needs to consider that he's allowed to approach Johnny whenever he wants to, even though their lives have never been intertwined before. They go from complete invisibility to Ten greeting him in the hallways. From invisibility to Ten casually dragging himself and Yangyang to Johnny's table at the cafeteria.

Johnny's friends are beyond shocked, and some of them are bit annoyed too – for example, Taeil and Yuta find Ten a weird sort of adorable, though dangerous, but Doyoung can't stand him. Johnny knows that Doyoung and Ten share a couple of classes, so he's not surprised, and against all odds it's pretty entertaining to witness their bickering on real time. Ten might be nice to everyone, a ball of positive energy that is about to explode, but when he's mean, his tongue is as sharp as a knife. Sometimes Johnny is jealous of his speed to counterattack Doyoung, and sometimes he’s jealous that Doyoung sucks Ten’s attention away from him.

Johnny is delighted to hear him speak; he always has a story to tell, a person to talk about, or a question to ask. He prods in Johnny's life without any sense of privacy, asking and asking to see if Johnny has a limit. _You don't have to answer if you don't want to_ , Ten tells him every time Johnny vacillates.

But that's the thing: when it comes to Ten, Johnny doesn't remember his own prudence. Ten flutters his eyelashes at him, or smiles one of those smiles that make his lip ring tighten around his lip, and Johnny just opens his box of secrets like a fool. In Ten’s hands, his secrets are safe. He’s not a good son anymore, he’s not the nice popular guy that always has a hand to lend to everyone. He’s anything Ten wants him to be, and perhaps it’s the effect of Ten’s charms, but Johnny isn’t afraid of losing himself.

It's almost at the end of the school year when Ten runs up to him in the hallway, tugging him away from a very confused Doyoung, claiming that it will be just a minute. By then Johnny is used to Ten's antics, but he's not used to the warmth that travels up his arm, from the place Ten's fingers are comfortably wrapped around his wrist.

Ten smiles as he pulls Johnny across the hallway, and when he finally finds an empty spot right by the teachers' room, Johnny's whole body is thrumming with nervousness. He doesn't understand why Ten would want him, only him, right now. Classes are starting in five minutes and both of them will be late for it, but Ten doesn’t care; and if he doesn’t, less does Johnny.

Either because he's ignoring Johnny's nervousness or because Ten is too blind to realize his behavior is odd, he merely grins and shoots, “Are you doing anything this weekend?”

Johnny's mind brims with thoughts, and to his disgrace, due to the heat that expands on his face. It burns him from head to toe, a short-circuit crackling in his brain until he can only feel the electricity destroying him from inside.

It doesn't have to be a date. God, he's sure it's not a date. Ten never crushes on anyone for more than one week and it would be a big mistake to tie one of his friends into one of his heartbreaking games.

That's what they are: friends. And that's if Johnny is being generous with himself; he might consider Ten a friend, but unlike him, Ten knows a lot of people. He doubts he means to Ten as much as Ten means to him, and he doubts he's, at least, a bit different from other guys.

“This weekend?” Johnny feels an unbearable pressure in his throat. It changes his tone, and Ten perks up in amusement, aware that Johnny is taken aback at the idea of a date. “Why?”

“I have two tickets for Coldplay.” Ten tilts his head to the side, curious. “You like them, right?”

Johnny swears that if there's a way he wants to leave this world, it's this. He told Ten about his favorite groups only last month, and Ten, who is very open to new things, had discussed every song and group with him. It had felt nice, Johnny reckons, that someone put so much interest in him beyond those things that they have in common. But that is Ten, right? Someone who makes an effort for his friends. Someone that remembers his favorite band's name and gets him tickets even though they had been sold out within three hours and Johnny has no idea how those tickets ended up in Ten's hands.

“Wait,” Johnny croaks out. Realization hits him in the face, and he narrows his eyes at Ten in suspicion. _“Wait_ , we need an adult for that, don't we?”

Ten's grin becomes a smirk, his gaze observing Johnny as if he's the funniest person in the world.

He should have known that there was a catch. There's always one with Ten.

“That's not going to be a problem,” Ten assures him, squeezing his wrist. And Johnny is about to protest, really, but then Ten's fingers are discreetly moving downwards, and the next thing Johnny registers is that their hands are interlaced, Ten's small fingers hooked in his. “You pass as an adult and-” Ten blinks at him, noticing his silence, and shamelessly laughs at him. “Do you think that would stop me?”

It's intimidating that Ten's eyes can see through him without any effort; that Ten knows how much Johnny likes him, that he knows that the mere idea of holding hands destroys his confidence, turning him into the inexperienced teen he actually is; that Ten has these little details for him anyway, a subtle indulgence towards his crush.

But the strangest thing is that, despite the emotional nakedness Ten puts him through, Johnny trusts him with whole being.

University changes everything for them, and at the same time, nothing.

Watching Ten grow up is beyond painful. It breaks the illusion that Ten is just his high school crush, that he will always be. It works for other people, like Doyoung, who has been crushing on Jaehyun since middle school and after high school, he never sees him again. His friends are allowed to move on, to keep their crushes as little, fond memories.

Johnny isn't.

Ten grows up too fast, a hand always around Johnny's neck, and though Johnny isn't disposed to let go, Ten isn't either.

Ten sleeps with Kun as soon as they enter university, just once, and Johnny can't do anything but keep his silence. It kills him that Kun apologizes to him, but Johnny thinks that's better than Ten apologizing. Johnny doesn't have the right to demand an apology, because Ten isn't his, because no matter how happy Ten makes him, Johnny has never dared to take the next step. It doesn't matter much, because Ten sleeps with other guys afterwards, and Kun is just a bump in the road.

It's too much of a risk to lose Ten just to indulge his own feelings, but if this is what growing up means, Johnny doesn’t want any of it.

Johnny tries, but it's impossible to forget about Ten. He has a few dates with one of his classmates, Taeyong, but after the first kiss, Johnny realizes that he isn't interested in him. He can’t bring himself to be. Crazy, people call Johnny, because Taeyong is extremely beautiful, well-behaved and polite. The kind of person one builds a life with. The kind of boy that only a few lucky people meet in university, someone that Johnny shouldn’t discard without fighting first.

Maybe it's just because Ten is still in his life, because their group of friends meet up every Friday without any exception. Because Ten still grabs his arm while they walk, leans into his touch as they drink and drink and assures Johnny that he misses him. Because Ten always has a sweet compliment for him, tracing the path of Johnny’s dark circles with his thumb, fixing his hair, cleaning his lips with a napkin. Johnny doesn't doubt that Ten misses him, but not in the way Johnny wishes he would.

Taeyong isn't Ten, and Ten is all Johnny adores. He likes that Ten isn't perfect, but that he’s brave. Even throughout university he keeps his lip ring, no matter how many ugly stares it earns him, how many professors look down on him. He likes that Ten is closer to rudeness than to politeness, that he snickers at people when he thinks they're being ridiculous, risking offending them. He likes that Ten sneaked him into a Coldplay concert when they were minors, that he had a fight with one of his professors last semester, or that he isn't afraid of pointing out that Johnny doesn't really like Taeyong. He likes that Ten is the only one who dares to say, _why would you be with someone you don’t like?_

Of course Ten isn't Taeyong, and that’s what Johnny likes the most.

Johnny sleeps with Ten on the fourth year of university.

And it's, after so many years of tiptoeing around each other, so easy that it terrifies Johnny.

On his fourth year, Johnny and Ten promise to meet up more often, to reserve at least one day of the month for the two of them, alone. Johnny is content with the decision, but it also makes him realize that back then, in high school, Ten would find any excuse to be with him. It wasn't a duty, a schedule. Now it is.

Johnny doesn't complain, and when they're together, those thoughts burn in the back of his mind until they become ashes. Ten doesn't wrap his fingers around his wrist anymore: he holds his hand, tightening his hold as to ask Johnny to hold him back just as strongly. Ten's teasing isn't loud and mischievous anymore: it has become soft whispers, personal things that only Ten knows about. Ten isn't a kid anymore, but a man, and in comparison Johnny feels so, so stuck. He was in love with Ten when he was fifteen years old, and seven years later, Johnny's feelings remain the same, so immovable that it's almost shameful.

When Ten whispers the question in the middle of the night, Johnny thinks he's dreaming. They've been watching a movie for around two hours, and since Ten is lying on his side, Johnny spooning him from behind, he can't see his face. It must be a dream, because Ten would never ask such question, and Johnny decides to ignore it. He wouldn't be able to explain why he woke Ten up, and so he stays put, intently watching the screen.

Ten shifts over the couch, and to Johnny's surprise, he turns his head to look at him. He's not asleep. His eyes are, in fact, very awake, a bit of concern reflected on them at the lack of answer on Johnny's part.

“Johnny?” he muses, a mild frown on his face. “Did you hear me?”

With his heart beating so loudly, now Johnny can barely hear anything. “No.”

But Ten believes him. He rolls on his other side to face Johnny, his hand shyly grasping on Johnny's t-shirt as if to find support. There isn't any sign that betrays him, that warns Johnny that Ten is messing up with him.

Ten stares at him, his gaze sparkling with more intensity that the screen behind him, and for the first time in his life Johnny distinguishes an emotion akin to fear.

“Do you want to sleep with me?” Ten repeats, slowly, like he doesn't truly know the answer.

It's just white noise in Johnny's ears. He knows he's trembling, but he can't tell if it's his own fear taking over, his rage or his incredulity.

“Ten,” he mutters, mouth dry. Ten's name feels like a rock on his tongue, but he can't stop staring at Ten, even if it makes his heart beat harder, faster. “What are you doing?”

Ten should draw away, should understand that this is embarrasing not only for Johnny, but also for Ten himself. It's so fucking stupid, because Johnny doesn't want _this_. He doesn't want to be just another man in Ten's bed, he doesn't want to reduce himself to a friend that has been waiting for Ten to open his legs for him.

It's so fucking stupid, because Ten doesn't draw away; he draws closer. And Johnny might not want this, not exactly, but he lets Ten kiss him, pressing against his mouth like he never doubted this was a bad idea. It’s stupid for many reasons, but the moment Johnny has a little taste of Ten’s lips, it makes too much sense not to continue. Ten’s hand in his hair, the way Johnny’s hold molds perfectly against his hips, the comforting warmth of Ten’s body when they rut against each other.

It makes sense when Johnny slides between his legs, when Ten drowns a moan into his mouth, that Johnny is throwing everything away for a ephemeral piece of happiness.

“You should talk to him about it,” Doyoung tells him three weeks later. It feels like no time has passed since then, and that’s how Doyoung has managed to get a hold of Johnny: because he’s just as devastated as the morning after sleeping with Ten. “Johnny, even if you think he doesn’t want to, you have to consider what _you_ want.”

Johnny looks through the window, trying to ignore Doyoung’s words. But inside a car, while Doyoung drives, Johnny doesn’t have any way to escape. He could ask Doyoung to drop him off anywhere just not to have this conversation, but Doyoung wouldn’t obey.

He supposes that it’s been a frustrating month for Doyoung too, watching Johnny transform into a shell of what he was. He should have never slept with Ten. He should have known that, afterwards, he wouldn’t be able to remain just friends with him. But Ten has tried, is still trying, pretending that one night can’t change the path of their relationship.

That’s what stabs through Johnny’s pride and rips it apart. He can’t even call it pride. Maybe it’s just his foolish hope. The fact that Ten is able to go back to their original status, to text him about his day as though they hadn’t spent hours skin against skin, sweet lips against his mouth, his neck, his legs; the fact that Ten is able to come up with plans as if he couldn’t tell that Johnny is in ruins.

Ten isn’t innocent or blind. It’s just easier not to acknowledge Johnny’s feelings, because when all this is over – university, their free time to meet up, the link to their friends – only their friendship can make them stick together. In a year their friends will be moving out, perhaps to other cities, and it will be harder to stay in contact. Harder and harder, until their friendship becomes a forced single meeting a year – until it becomes painful to be with their friends, a reminder of youth and happiness, and none of them want to remember.

“That’s the thing,” Johnny says at last. His breath over the window freezes, and Johnny traces a line on the window, his fingertip fusing with the cold. “I don’t know if I want to.”

Pretending is the safest option. Losing Ten over the years, like ice melting and evaporating, until there’s nothing left. Smooth, slow, so that it doesn’t hurt so much.

Ten isn’t there for his twenty-third birthday.

Johnny sits in his living room as Taeyong and Doyoung struggle to put a ridiculous birthday hat on his head. The hat is too small for him, but Johnny makes an effort to smile.

When he set foot in the apartment, his friends almost gave him a heart attack, but Johnny reckons that at least once in life one has to have a surprise birthday party. It’s a nice gesture, and deep inside Johnny feels loved, cared for just because of it. It’s just that without Ten, this loses all meaning.

Even though he plays along his friends, pretends to enjoy the surprise, he can’t stop thinking about Ten. He wonders why he couldn’t make if; if maybe he just didn’t want to make it. He wonders if, despite all the attempts at pretending that they could be friends, this is the final test for Ten to show his true colors. He wonders too why he can’t hate Ten for it, why he just adores him, endlessly and irrationally, regardless of Ten’s power to destroy him.

Johnny has had years of practice, so hiding his true feelings turns out to be quite easy. Only Kun, who has known about his crush on Ten since high school, comes to him in silence. He stays by his side, squeezes his thigh under the table to let Johnny know that he understands, that it’s fine to be upset over it.

Once all of them have managed to wear their ridiculous birthday hats, Doyoung forces them to sit down. Johnny allows him to thread whatever he’s planning, hoping that at least, if they broke into his apartment, was to prepare him a wonderful dinner.

Instead Doyoung runs to the light switch, and with his hand hovering over it, he says, “I won’t forgive you for trying to make us forget about your birthday.”

“I don’t want to hear about myself getting older, you know?” Johnny answers, raising his voice. Doyoung mouths something that sounds dangerously like _you are_ , and Johnny grunts. “You’re disrespectful.”

Without entangling himself into the fight, Doyoung turns the light off. Johnny waits for a couple of seconds, for three, four, and he’s about to ask what the fuck they’re waiting for when he sees what’s happening. There’s someone else in the hall, only illuminated by the candles of the cake he’s carrying in his hands, and Johnny’s heart leaps out of his chest.

He would never mistake Ten, not in the darkness, not even after a dozen of years. Johnny can’t hear his friends singing for him, can’t even see Doyoung by the door anymore; all his eyes register is Ten, Ten, Ten. Ten, who has been hiding all this time while their friends pulled this half surprise, half prank on him. Ten, who has never missed one of his birthdays since they met each other, and won’t start missing them now.

And, as Ten walks into the living room with a gigantic smile, Johnny realizes what this means. They all knew that Johnny would be upset if Ten wasn’t there; and they all knew the relief he would feel upon seeing him.

Johnny feels tears prickle at his eyes, but he dips his head down as the chant ends. He can’t stay like that for long, because Ten excitedly lifts the cake to his face, demanding Johnny to blow off his candles.

He meets eyes with Ten, a gaze that tells him more than all their years of friendship, and blows off the candles with his eyes closed. Even like that, he can feel the way Ten looks at him.

Past midnight, Ten holds his hand.

None of their friends have left yet, but Johnny isn’t ashamed of letting them see hold hands. It feels too good, _right_ , and Johnny decides to indulge himself tonight. Ten just smiles at him, talks to him in whispers while the rest loudly speak; it’s just a mere illusion of what Johnny wants them to be, of this private, intimate corner of their lives. But if Ten wants to lie to him, Johnny isn’t going to stop him.

It’s only when they’re sitting together on the couch that Ten leans into his ear and mutters, “Can we go to your room for a second?”

Johnny doesn’t misinterpret his words. There’s innocence in Ten’s tone, no hidden intentions, but nervousness still thrums through Johnny’s body.

“Why?”

Ten blinks at him, serious. Like he doesn’t want Johnny to assume that this is a joke. “I have something for you.”

Johnny glances at Doyoung first, but he’s too immersed in the story Kun is telling him. If Doyoung isn’t paying him attention anymore, then nobody else will notice; and if they do, Johnny doubts anyone will stop them. It won’t take them long, anyway, because Johnny isn’t stupid enough to make the same mistake twice.

Holding onto that hope, Johnny nods. It’s interesting for Johnny to notice that Ten moves with a calmness improper of him; there’s a lack of enthusiasm that Johnny isn’t used to, that destabilizes him too, but he keeps his mouth shut all the way to his bedroom.

Ten enters first, but as soon as Johnny closes the door, Ten corners him against it. Johnny doesn’t know if cornering is the right word for what Ten does; it doesn’t feel like he’s forcing Johnny, or like he’s invading his personal space without permission. Johnny stares down at him, his heart in a fist, and realizes that Ten is just a reflection of himself. The doubts in his gaze are the same doubts that Johnny harbors, and it feels so raw, both for Johnny and for Ten, that Johnny can’t say a word.

Ten draws closer, and only stops when he’s slightly leaning against him, a soft touch that doesn’t intend to overwhelm Johnny. Johnny is overwhelmed, however, just by looking into his eyes.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t come?” Ten whispers, holding onto Johnny’s waist.

Johnny stops breathing, but it doesn’t make any difference. Ten uses his hold to tiptoe, lifting his chin, and before Johnny can ask what he’s doing, he’s breathing through Ten’s mouth. Ten kisses him without fear, without regret, soft lips that feel like a piece of paradise for a second. Johnny doesn’t hesitate to respond, immersing himself in whatever lie Ten is crafting for him. It has always been that way, Ten giving and Johnny accepting, but never too much, never enough.

When Ten pulls away, Johnny realizes he has wrapped his arms around him. But it’s almost a punishment, because he can’t force him to stay put, because the kiss ends too soon.

Ten presses a hand over his stomach, closes his eyes with a sigh, and then steps back. His hands remains there, pressing something that Johnny can’t distinguish; he just knows that he can’t feel Ten’s warmth, that there is something between them.

One step back is all Ten needs to open his eyes, a smile playing on his lips, and say, “Happy birthday, Johnny.”

Johnny brings his hand over Ten’s, his fingers trembling as he grips what Ten is giving him. His lips curl up into a sweet smile, a smile full of expectation, and Johnny understands the reason one second later. There, as he looks down, he finds two concert tickets pressed against him.

“It’s always a circle,” Ten whispers. He smiles at Johnny’s expression, at the incredulity on his face, and that’s all Johnny can feel: Ten’s happiness. “And we go back to who we really belong to.”


End file.
